“Only in America”….?

For some reason unbeknown to me, I’ve spent the better part of today watching back episodes of the TLC/Discovery Health reality TV show about the Duggar family of Arkansas. The show features the “unusual” lifestyle of the family – particularly their belief in having “as many children as God will bless them with.” As their family has grown in size, the name of the show has been changed from 16 Kids and Counting to 17 Kids and Counting and so on. They now have 19 children – the oldest being 21 and the youngest just under 3 months. Their oldest child – a son named Josh – is married and has a baby a few months older than his parents’ youngest child/his newest sibling. The family is a member of the conservative evangelical Christian “Quiverfull movement” and, along with abstaining from the use of birth control, they believe in raising their children in a very structured environment. All 19 children are homeschooled and work entirely out of the Duggar’s home.

Now, if this is the way that they choose to live their life, I have no issue with it. It doesn’t hurt or affect me in any way. But, as I watched the show I was struck by several things:

1) The fact that international camera crews were traveling to the U.S. to film the Duggar family.

Throughout several episodes, both a Korean and a French camera crew were featured on the TV show. Both teams had different purposes for visiting the Duggars. The Korean crew came in hopes of encouraging the families of their own country to begin having more children. According to the Duggars, Korea is currently struggling with a falling birth rate. They discussed their emotions about the Korean crew and seemed to strongly believe that their family lifestyle would be influential in Korea in promoting large families. I feel as though they missed the boat on this one, however, as Korea is not primarily a Christian country – as the U.S. is argued to be – and while it does have a small population of Christians, its history has more parallels to Confucianism and Buddhism. While the Korean team undoubtably had the goal of promoting a large family size, their motive did not appear to be religious.

The French team visited the Duggar family to capture on film a subculture of the American society. What struck me the most from their segment was an interview the Discovery Health film crew conducted with the producer of the French crew. When asked what he thought the reaction of the French viewers would be after watching the segment on the Duggars – he responded with the statement, “Only in America.” This really surprised me. When I think of the image of America, conservative evangelical Christian families with very strict, limited rules defining their lives is not the picture I have in mind. The fact that these film crews were capturing such a limited view of American society and portraying it in  their country as, perhaps, more “normal,” really felt misleading to me. How many families in the U.S. have 19 children? How many do not believe in any physical contact  – including hand holding and kissing – before marriage? How many of them home school their children and believe that evolution is a fallacy? While none of these traits are necessarily “wrong,” I do not feel that they accurately portray “America.”

2) The very obvious gender inequality within the family and (as it was represented on the show) within their very specific, and, I think it’s fair to say – extreme, religious beliefs.

Even more than the inaccurate international portrayal of the U.S., the blatant gender discrimination between the Duggar children really disturbed me. The birth order of the children is as follows: Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl, Girl, Girl, Boy, Boy, Girl, Boy, Boy, Boy, Boy, Boy, Boy, Girl, Girl, Girl, Girl. Within the family dynamic, the weight of the household tasks falls onto the four oldest daughters. They cook all the meals, do all the laundry, wash the dishes, clean the bathrooms and the kitchen, and practically raise their younger siblings. The only education they receive is their home school education – which is limited – and some musical training on the piano/violin/harp. They are only allowed to wear skirts or dresses and they frequently talk about how they aren’t supposed to do “manly” work. At Josh’s wedding (the Duggars’ oldest son), the bride’s father discussed how he was passing the “authority” of his daughter on to Josh and remarked that the man is the head of the house while the woman is supposed to be the homemaker (…as the bible says?) The gross gender inequality goes on and on and on thoughout the show…. These girls have no other option in their lives but to get married and have inordinate amounts of children. They don’t go through any mainstream process of socialization, are incredibly sheltered, and are not provided with any other life skills.

3) The children “don’t know any better” (for lack of a better term…)

Of course, when growing up everyone only knows what their family teaches them. And there’s not anything necessarily wrong with this. I just feel like the girls don’t know how many opportunities there are for them in life outside of marrying a paternalistic man and becoming a baby producing machine. They claim throughout the show that they are free to make their own  choices and that they are choosing to continue with the life that their parents made for them – but how much choice do they really have? What other options do they have but to stay and obey their parents? They just seem so sheltered.

4) The fact that American women (and perhaps women in other countries) are trying to emulate the Duggar family.

The TV show has made the Duggar family incredibly famous and popular. Numerous women had verbalized their desires to do as the Duggar family has and have as many children as possible. While this is a personal choice, I feel like the portrayal of the Duggar family has glamorized the lifestyle. These women want to become like Michelle Duggar the same way that they emulate famous actresses or singers.

In all fairness, all of the children are incredibly good looking and are very well behaved. They seem like a really nice family – but the limits that their extreme beliefs place on them have created a life that I feel is unfair to the girls, if not all of the children. And, come on, who wants to live a life where you aren’t allowed to dance?

EDIT 3/8: An AP article that is relevant: Top home-school texts dismiss Darwin, evolution